Its funny…. I spent my life wanting to be older, wanting to be younger, wanting to be skinner, wanting to be curvier.
But today, as I sit in a coffee shop writing this blog I realise I don’t want to be anything but who I am right now.
At 30 I couldn’t be happier. I am no longer a young girl but rather a strong, confident young woman.
Coming to this realisation is empowering.
I was once the girl who turned off the year of my birth on my Facebook page so that my age remained a secret.
Why are we women so concerned with age perceptions or rather misconceptions? Why couldn’t I be proud of all my achievements and not be shy of my age?
And then one day it dawned on me, I didn’t feel like I had accomplished enough due to the pressures that society had placed on me.
At 27, I was ashamed of being 27. Despite my personal and professional achievements I wasn’t satisfied and felt like I hadn’t met the expectations of someone my age. So what was missing? Wait for it…. Wait for it….
I wasn’t M-A-R-R-I-E-D!
I would attend weddings and people would ask when I was getting married. Asking when I was feeding them ‘poori’, the customary meal provided at an indian wedding. I felt like saying “I’m already in a long distance relationship. My husband just lives in the future.”
But seriously, why do people ask that question without any realisation of how rude and disrespectful it is? And while Indians are notorious for it, it seems the older you get the broader the audience becomes.
As a young, independent, driven female I was left feeling incompetent, incomplete, unfinished. So I started avoiding weddings and any event that would only polarise my singularity.
Then one day, I had an epiphany. It wasn’t quite as sophisticated as one would imagine but rather two short words screaming via my inside voice.
I am mean as they say, those that matter don’t mind and those that mind, don’t matter. Why does it matter that I wasn’t married? Why does it matter that I didn’t have a significant other? Why does it matter that I was still living with my parents?
So instead of lulling in the sadness that my left hand was missing a shiny circular adornment, I focused on me. Focused on what made me happy, what gave me joy. I became so focused on me, that marriage and finding a partner was the last thing on my mind.
AND THEN IT HAPPENED!
It’s true what they say, when you least expect it, it will happen.
Before I knew it, my now husband and I began our courtship and as I type I couldn’t be any happier. I truly feel blessed.
But I write this blog, not in an attempt to complain but with the hope that this reaches a young women in a similar predicament or better yet an individual ready to place pressure on an unmarried soul.
While I am the first to agree that marriage is a beautiful thing, I don’t believe it should define a women’s course or diminish what she has already accomplished. It is not something that can be forced and its not something that should be pushed. When the time is right, things have a way of falling into place.
And for those nosy individuals who walk around enquiring about someone’s personal life, realise one thing – it’s none of your business. SIMPLE! Including when a couple will turn from ‘We’ to ‘Three’. It seems that once a couple has tied the knot you progress from “When are you getting married?” to “When are you having children?”
And before asking these questions, think about the person on the receiving end and how they may feel. What about those couples who can’t conceive? Or the couples that don’t want children? While raising a family is a dream for many it may not be for all, and yet it’s a topic that gets pushed ridiculously on couples, as though its a sin to not procreate.
My point is, as a woman it’s important to embrace who you are, what you bring to this world and be to proud of your your greatness in whatever capacity it is. Whether you are single, studying, married, divorced, working, being a mother or chasing your next dream, be proud of who you are and where you are in life.
Because every decision today, every challenge you face, ever reward you are granted and every step you take will lead to your future. If I had not made my mistakes, if I had not opted out of certain life choices, if I had not waited patiently I may never have met my prince charming.
So my advice to women in all walks of life, make choices that make you smile when you wake up in the morning, decisions that you can be proud of and actions that feel right to you. Don’t let anyone dull your shine or make you feel like you haven’t achieved what they would expect.
Being content in life is a true blessing… Love yourself and strive for your own greatness, not someone else’s.